at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
