The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
