Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now

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  (845): i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now http://tfl.nu/aait
  Replies (14) Good night (1045) Bad night (1514)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!

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  (212): Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did! http://tfl.nu/gcyx
  Replies (26) Good night (3933) Bad night (659)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  shes about as inviting as chlamydia

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  (778): shes about as inviting as chlamydia http://tfl.nu/iikb
  Replies (2) Good night (594) Bad night (3231)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.

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  (717): I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this. http://tfl.nu/8qff
  Replies (6) Good night (4920) Bad night (909)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...

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  (214): It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil... http://tfl.nu/iyla
  Replies (24) Good night (4740) Bad night (1930)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4587) Bad night (2092)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

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  (204): Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out. http://tfl.nu/sq7d
  Replies (6) Good night (3202) Bad night (939)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.

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  (720): I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team. http://tfl.nu/53x1
  Replies (11) Good night (3077) Bad night (897)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.

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  (678): Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store. http://tfl.nu/d1b2
  Replies (12) Good night (645) Bad night (2167)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

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  (503): I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan? (1-503): yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case. http://tfl.nu/ztrg
  Replies (1) Good night (1281) Bad night (640)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.

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  (719): the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand. http://tfl.nu/ekbv
  Replies (11) Good night (1611) Bad night (488)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"

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  (+44): The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work" http://tfl.nu/byzn
  Replies (8) Good night (1619) Bad night (620)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I told you he wasn't attractive.

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..

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  (440): I told you he wasn't attractive. (1-440): Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf.. http://tfl.nu/x2hn
  Replies (9) Good night (349) Bad night (877)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.

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  (330): You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes. http://tfl.nu/v1u1
  Replies (2) Good night (833) Bad night (324)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey

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  (262): Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey http://tfl.nu/zpaw
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (303)

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