I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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