she was so not down for the gang bang
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
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I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
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she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?