Tell her she can't have a vagina
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
