Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart