I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights