I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question