He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor