Texts From Last Night

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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

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  (757): Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you. http://tfl.nu/6xm5
  Replies (54) Good night (7107) Bad night (808)
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  (914): View more from New York

  My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.

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  (914): My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control. http://tfl.nu/45m8
  Replies (47) Good night (1451) Bad night (4039)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong

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  (720): Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong http://tfl.nu/wxwn
  Replies (20) Good night (5304) Bad night (866)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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  (484): We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break. http://tfl.nu/ezuj
  Replies (9) Good night (4091) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

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  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (19078) Bad night (2835)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  My lips are sealed. Both pairs.

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  (708): My lips are sealed. Both pairs. http://tfl.nu/26rg
  Replies (11) Good night (3336) Bad night (1130)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning

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  (859): I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning http://tfl.nu/1f1l
  Replies (6) Good night (1181) Bad night (1678)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.

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  (304): I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad. http://tfl.nu/mnuf
  Replies (4) Good night (1378) Bad night (790)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.

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  (918): I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control. http://tfl.nu/enjx
  Replies (4) Good night (1182) Bad night (562)
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  (845): View more from New York

  We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."

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  (845): We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..." http://tfl.nu/o2g7
  Replies (8) Good night (917) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...

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  (580): There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber... http://tfl.nu/bvkz
  Replies (7) Good night (1300) Bad night (645)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.

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  (603): I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/omfe
  Replies (13) Good night (1187) Bad night (827)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.

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  (563): The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka. http://tfl.nu/9mlx
  Replies (6) Good night (679) Bad night (1013)
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  (209): View more from California

  Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds

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  (209): Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds http://tfl.nu/gpe4
  Replies (2) Good night (647) Bad night (448)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?

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  (715): Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night? http://tfl.nu/fn24
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (539)

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