My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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