Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
