Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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