no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well you can't waste a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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