you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
