this just has baby written all over it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
