i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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