dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
