I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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