so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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