Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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