I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize