Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
