oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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