found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
