i think my tv is drunk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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