shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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