honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
