A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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