What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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