Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
