at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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