So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They took my balls.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Text me some of your sweat
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
