I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
