No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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