you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
