I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's the barista slut.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
