so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
