I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
