Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
