dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
