I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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