Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
