You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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