i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
