a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
