Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
