1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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