i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
