It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
