nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
