i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
