I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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