FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
