sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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