Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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