Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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