zippers are such a cool invention
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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