it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
