oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
