but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
