Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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