It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
