We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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