In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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