So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
