I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
