I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
