Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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