dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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