Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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