too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i believe in u and ur pee
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
