Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize