bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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