So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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