She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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