A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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