I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
