so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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