I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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