Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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