saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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