Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
