Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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