It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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