i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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