I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You may now shotgun with the bride
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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