How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
