i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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