i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
